…and I think of suicide

Emotions started to rise…
Self-pity, envy, loneliness…
I am nothing but a failure
and no matter how hard I think for solutions, still it’s not enough
I have so many things in my shoulders, and I can’t take it any longer.

Thoughts of commiting suicide came..
i am two steps away from the gun which i kept…
cut my wrist…
hang myself…
these were the pictures that i saw inside my head

And I started crying.. I am scared
My eyes searched the corners of my room,looking for answers..
I texted a friend, and told her to talk to me…
she called, but I cancelled it
I don’t want her to hear me crying in pain

I started saying, “ayoko na, ayoko na, tama na po”

************************************************
Probably while reading this,you’re thinking It’s stupid to think that suicide is the answer to all of my problems
…maybe…
Suicide is the quickest solution to stop all pain that the heart cannot bear any longer…
You’ll no longer see the cruelty of life…

I am sorry for thinking this way… but
I can’t help it..
THERE’S TOO MUCH PAIN…

Purest of Pain

Something came up today…

something I didn’t expect nor perceived… the perfect timing… when things fall on me…

my whole body is shaking … and i think any time i might fall apart…

Two cigarettes…

and in the showers, i covered my mouth as tears fall…

I don’t know what to feel…

Through my silence , I will find my solace…

I’m on my own and had to deal with this alone… and I want to be alone…